SCENE FROM  "TYING THE KNOT" 

JOHN, mid-20s,   PAULA, mid-30s,  KEITH, late 60s

JOHN

(To audience)
Nate was a dreamer.  That’s what was best about him and what could also drive
you nuts. You’ll see what I mean. For instance, how we met.  I thought it was by
accident, but he was sure we were destined.  He’d had his tarot cards read and they
told him his Higher Power was on the job.  So he had this image: His Higher
Power and mine, sitting around playing gin rummy.  His would go “So what’s new
on your front; how’s your dude?”  “Boring.  He’s buried in his work, big yawn.
Yours?”  “Please; all he does is watch porn and jerk off; it’s embarrassing.”  “Hey,
why don’t we get ‘em together?”  “You crazy?  They’d murder each other in 6
months.”  “Yeah but it could be fun to watch.”  “Hmmm, okay; let’s do Thursday.
And by the way: gin.”  Higher Powers with a sense of humor .... very dangerous.

PAULA

(To audience)
The first time I saw Carol, I lost twenty five bucks.   I was playing golf with The
UnderPar Four –     That’s me, Betsy Patton, Mead Carolton and Cheryl-Ann
Grayson.  We played once a month at the Park Links.  We used to play at
Lakeside, but one time Betsy got in a shouting match with a caretaker who made
some remark about ‘dikes with drivers,’ and we never went back. I’m off the
subject, I know.  Sorry.  Talking about Carol, I start losing it. Anyhow, we were
playing a dollar a hit and I was ahead, and then Carol and her group want to play
through and we said yes, and Carol walks by and she smiles at me, and my whole
game goes down the toilets.  But you know — even with all the heart-break — it
was still the best 25 bucks I ever spent in my life. 

KEITH

(To audience)
I was married when I started hanging out with Bob.  No.  He taught me honesty. I
was cheating on my wife with him.  And Bob was cheating with me; he was with
an alcoholic named Dennis. So we were two men being lousy to their spouses.
Although, in our own defense, the spouses weren’t so nice; I had a cold fish and
Bob had a chronic liar. I know some people might say we deserved what came
down, but I don’t believe that people are ever punished for trying to be happy. 
People who want to condemn you, they’re just jealous; so screwed they can’t stand
to see somebody else having a good life.  I mean, how else do you explain the
hostility? 

JOHN

(To audience)
Here’s how  it happened. We lived in Hickory Heights, which some people called
Homo Hills and others called Homo Heaven, depending on which side of the street
you rode your bike.  Every big city has one — a little boys town, where the
apartments are gentrified, the shops trendy, and nobody cares if you hold your
boyfriend’s hand on the way to Starbucks.  Well, one day our alderman got the
bright idea of putting up banners to –  air quote –  officially designate the area as – 
another air quote –  a rainbow community.  Some folks thought that was great:
others thought it was a crock of shit.  The meeting was very loud, and we were the
loudest of all. 
                   (WE move into a scene between JOHN and NATE)

NATE

We need to be public. Everybody knows we’re here, what’s the point of pretending
we’re not.

DAVID RUSH

​Writer